God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
