So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
