I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
