You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
