You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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