You smell like stripper and shame
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
there is glitter all over my balls
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
