I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
