No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
