So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
