Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
handjob tips. give me some.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
