Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
