i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
