i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize