So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
