for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
