My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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