It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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