I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
