Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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