MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
