Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
