i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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