dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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