I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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