I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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