Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
