How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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