I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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