She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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