Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
