Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
