she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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