the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
