if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
