but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
