Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
