thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
