The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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