dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
