My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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