and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize