So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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