I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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