the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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