so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
