he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
