everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
