period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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