apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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