oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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