we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
