I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
