i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize