plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
