well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
