his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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