no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
