You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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