At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops