When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize