And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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