its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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