I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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