I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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