3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
