What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
