The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
