my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
