i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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