these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
