I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is my gift to your gina
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
