Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
