So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
