she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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