Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
