I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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