We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize