God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
