there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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