I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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