I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
