I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
