I just made out with a guy for $7.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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