Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
