You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
